On the Way to Wonder

I once heard it explained in a sociology class that guilt is when we fail ourselves, but shame is when we fail our community.  Most of us know that horrible weight of guilt when we are less than what we know we should be, when we do something that compromises our values, or make decisions that lead us down the wrong path.  We have no one to blame but ourselves.  The disciple Peter was guilty and carried a load of shame.  At the trial of Jesus, before the crucifixion, three times Peter was confronted by local people who asked Peter if he was not indeed a friend of Jesus.  Three times he denied.  Love drove him to the trial and fear led to compromise.  Now Jesus is risen and he comes to Peter after Peter has fished all night and caught nothing.  Jesus helps Peter and gives the gift of presence but how is the air going to get clear to restore healthy relationship?  Our past mistakes corrupt our present relationships.

         We know this scenario and know the awkwardness of having to repair a broken relationship.  Who goes first?  How do we confess and repent?  Jesus, after having breakfast with the disciples, turns to Peter and breaks the ice with a question in John 21: 15.  “Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?”  Jesus goes to the core of the issue.  Love of self or love of God?  Three times Jesus asks the question so there can be no mistake what Jesus is talking about.  Peter answers, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you” twice.  The third time Peter responds, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”  Jesus does not give Peter a lecture but instead gives him a task, “Feed my sheep.”

         Guilt is so heavy and forgiveness so hard to believe and receive.  It is as the other puts trust in us that relationship begins to grow again, renewed and strengthened.  The skeletons in our closet seem to pop out and upset things at the oddest moments.  One of the greatest gifts that Jesus in the resurrection gives us, is the gift of forgiveness.  We know we have eternal forgiveness with God with whom we are promised to spend eternity – sin has been paid for, but we also given the power to forgive others and ourselves.

         Perhaps there is a weight you have been carrying around deep inside your soul.  Forgiveness is not changing the past but leaving the past in God’s hands to give retribution or to continue directing our future in new ways because of the bad turns we made.  Jesus does not want us to carry those past burdens but wants us to be good shepherds, caring to the best ability for others he brings into our lives.  Resurrection means we can have renewed life and relationships now.

“When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Peter (John 21: 15)”

Proof of the reality of the resurrection was first seen as testimonies about sightings of Jesus alive, began to pour in.  Later, by the Sea of Galilee, a new level of resurrection power became evident.  The disciples had fished all night and caught nothing.  Jesus calls from the shore to cast the nets on the other side and the nets are filled.  Jesus is not just alive; he is now speaking into lives and changing them in new ways. After the disciples recognize him, come to shore with an abundant catch of fish, and fellowship over breakfast, Jesus turns to Peter.  Jesus does not want to just be recognized as alive but he now starts to bring new life to his followers.  He is now beginning to create a kingdom of people transformed by the reality that he is alive.  Jesus gives hope to the tired, food to the hungry but then goes beyond physical needs to the emotional health of Peter. Peter is carrying a load of guilt.  He denied Jesus at the trial, three times.

         Physical health is important but emotional, social, psychological health is necessary to create a healthy community.  Barriers between people as well as barriers within us are as important as physical limitations like exhaustion and hunger.  The resurrection is about eternal life but it is also about a healthier life here and now.  We can all be riding on the same bus to a destination but if we can’t live together, it is a very uncomfortable ride.

         So how do we define health?  “Health is a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.”  Choose three adjectives that describe each dimensions of health for you today.  For example, I might describe physical health as: energy, strength, and good sleep.  Choose three of your own words to describe each dimension: physical, mental, social.  This is a good place to start prayer for yourself…and for the other with whom you are traveling.  God bless you on your journey.

Excitement can discombobulate us.  We might put on a shoe from two different pair in our hurry.  My son arrived at the airport with everyone’s passport but his own and had to return home.  I find the story of the disciples meeting Jesus at the Sea of Galilee after the resurrection, after a long night of fishing and no catch, having funny details.  When a man tells them to cast their net on the other side of the boat and their net becomes loaded with fish, they realize it is Jesus.  Peter is so excited he puts on his clothes and jumps in the water to wade to shore!  They are so excited that they take time to count the fish.  153 fish were caught.  And in the excitement they are afraid to ask who it is because they know it is Jesus.  What a collection of weird facts.  Get dressed to swim?   Count fish in the middle of a celebration?  Fear mixed with excitement?

         John records this as the third encounter between the risen Christ and the disciples (John 21: 7-14).  Interestingly Jesus had a fire prepared with roasted fish on it.  The 153 fish were a bonus, an abundant blessing beyond what was needed.  Abundance.  When Jesus fed the 500 there was abundance left over.  It seems that Jesus does not just want us to survive the night, to break even, to satisfy the minimum expectation but Jesus is in the business of blessing us abundantly.  “I have come that they might have life, and that they ay have it more abundantly. (John 10:10)” For fishermen, fish roasting on a fire and 153 large fish more would certainly bring a sense of abundance. 

         How do we measure abundance today?  Unfortunately for many it is measured by their bank account.  For others it is measured by good grades or good health or famous talents.  Many just want to be loved.  When people can’t sleep, they are told to count sheep.  Perhaps a better challenge today when we feel so confined by masks and disease would be to count the blessings we have.  For a start, name a blessing for each finger on your hand – that’s a hand full.  “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine!”  Try for two hands full of blessing.  You are on your way to abundance!  

Have you ever had that feeling that what you’re doing feels awfully familiar?  We were meeting a friend for dinner but couldn’t find the restaurant on Friday so went through the instructions again – three times! and still ended up on a corner that did not seem right.  Frustration.  My daughter and I can put together a do-it-yourself cupboard and invariably the doors are backwards.  We have done it often enough that we just laugh now and start over.  Disciple Peter and friends have returned to Galilee, their home area to wait for Jesus who promised to meet them there, and have decided to go fishing.  That was their profession, their comfort zone.  A night on the Sea of Galilee would feel good after all they had been through.  Right?  In fact, they caught no fish and were tired.  A stranger on the shore yelled at them to toss their nets on the other side of the boat.  They did and the nets were loaded with fish.  John was the first to realize that they had gone through this experience before of fishing, catching nothing, and Jesus telling them to try the other side.  He looked at the shore more closely and recognized the risen Christ. (John 21:4-9)

         The truth is that God’s ways are not our ways but when we are tired and have been through a big experience, it is often that then we revert to the same ole fruitless efforts.  It does not come natural to forgive, to turn the other cheek, to go the extra mile.  It does not come natural to spend a day a week connecting spiritually.  We want to play or get other things done when we are not at our profession.  Jesus calls to us and tells us to throw our nets on the other side of the boat, on the other side of a situation. It is often when we look in unexpected places and act in unexpected ways that we find the Lord going ahead of us.

         My kids loved for me to read the story of Balaam and his donkey.  The donkey refused to go forward because the donkey could see the angel with a huge sword blocking the way.  Balaam beat his donkey and God gave the donkey voice.  “Why are you hitting me?  I am trying to stop you from getting in trouble!”  Sometimes when we keep coming to an impasse, we need to try a new approach and to stop and ask where the Lord is in the experience.  

         That dawn long ago, Jesus was on the shore with a fish roasted for breakfast because he knew the disciples were weary from work and needed to eat before he could talk to them.  He knew their situation better than they and he knew their needs.  It is still true today.  We find the risen Christ in the unexpected turns of our lives and he feeds our souls – but it may not be what we expected.  He knows!  He cares!

“Afterward Jesus appeared again to his disciples, by the Sea of Tiberias (the Sea of Galilee) It happened this way:  Simon Peter, Thomas (called Didymus), Nathaniel from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples were together. (John 21: 1-2)” Time has passed and the scene has changed.  Our first sightings of the risen Christ were in and around Jerusalem right after the resurrection.  Jesus had told them he would meet them in Galilee and this next account picks up in Galilee.  The disciples are in a transition period from having Jesus present, being the leader, setting the agenda and focus of attention, but now they do not have that daily structure to frame their lives.

         Perhaps you remember going from college to ….work and having to learn to be your own boss.  Going from work to retirement is a similar transition.  Single to married is an adjustment.  Married to parents is a big shift.  These first disciples had to figure out what life was going to look like.   They started with the familiar.  Peter suggests they go fishing.

         During times of transition, what is the backbone that structures our lives?  Do we organize seasonally as the weather changes drastically in geographical zones but others have less environmental clues. We change clothes for the climate and change activities like plant gardens.  Holidays provide some structure as we see stores start advertising Christmas in October now.  Store decorations change to meet an upcoming holiday or event.  Rituals like weddings, baptisms, and confirmation give rhythm to life.  The disciples went out fishing because that was what they knew how to do.  It was their comfort zone.

         Spiritual disciplines also give structure to our lives.  Journaling in the morning or in the evening is a way to bring closure, a way to park events in a book and process a bit.  Daily devotional readings are ways to start the day on a positive note rather than starting with a list of to-dos that can feel overwhelming before the day even starts.  Many find times of prayer or meditation help to focus minds on the presence of God in the midst of the flurry of life. 

         Mountain-top experiences are spiritually exhilarating and are fun but eventually we come down to everyday life.  This week we will look at how the risen Christ reached out to his disciples during this ordinary time.  Take time to think about ways that you help yourself remember the God who walks with you daily.  He’s there and he cares! 

This week we pondered the problem of doubt that Thomas struggled with when he was not present that first Easter evening when Jesus suddenly appeared amidst the followers gathered behind locked doors.  It is like missing the party and feeling left out, absent, isolated by covid.  Doubt wrestles with faith as friends that share the story of this marvelous experience.  Thomas won’t believe until he sees for himself and his faith is like a wisp of hope the size of a tiny mustard seed.  Amazingly a week later when everyone is gathered again behind locked doors, Jesus returns to offer Thomas his hands and side to touch and feel and know that Jesus is alive, risen and active. 

         Doubts eat away our peace and joy.  Katharina von Schlegel, a composer in the German Pietistic Revival in Germany in the 1700s, wrote Be Still My Soul.  Jane L. Borthwick translated her verse into English a century later.  The song was set to one movement from Jean Sibelius’ Finlandia, Finland’s best-known composer.  Three people from three countries and from different time periods combined their talents to develop this beloved hymn. 

         In the midst of doubt, chaos and upheaval, we can be still and know that Christ can walk through locked doors to meet us in our weakness. May you hear Christ whisper into your life, “Peace be with you.” 

One evening a week after Easter, the followers of Jesus are gathered again but there is a difference. Yup, the doors are locked. The difference is that Thomas is present.  He had refused to believe the other’s reports of the risen Christ the week before but showed up at this gathering anyway.  Do you suppose that in the face of his skepticism there was still a glimmer of hope?  Jesus said that if we have faith the size of a mustard seed, we can pray and move mountains.  I suspect that Thomas did not have enough faith to yell, “Glory, Hallelujah!” but he did trust his friends enough to try again.  Some days are like that.  It feels like we are holding on by our fingernails, dangling in space, and about to despair of life.  We throw any pills that tempt us down the toilet.  Our imagination runs wild.  And yet we hang on with a whiff of faith.

         On those down days, what is the focus of our faith?  I confess that it is easy for me to bemoan my lack of faith and turn my eyes inward to my limitations.  One of the beauties of this encounter is that inspite of Thomas’ weakness and doubts, Jesus again appears and invites Thomas to touch and feel him, “stop doubting and believe.”  Jesus changes Thomas’ focus of attention from self and his doubts to look at Jesus.  Faith is not something we measure like sugar.  The question is not the amount of my faith but the object of my faith.  When I focus on self, my weaknesses become glaringly apparent but when I focus on Jesus and his ability to walk through death for love of me, my perspective changes.  I do not understand. I cannot comprehend.  How can it be?  That God, in Christ, would reach out to a doubter like me and ask me to touch and know that Christ is real. I suppose that is why it is called faith.

         So where are we looking today?  Is the cup half full or half empty?  Are we looking at the half full version of the news and find Jesus missing or do we look at the only half empty but rising version of life.  Jesus is willing to go through locked doors to answer our doubts. Let us look to him, touch and feel.  And may we, with Thomas, say, “My Lord, and my God.”  John 20:28.

Covid restrictions make obvious the void we feel when we miss an important event.  My friend watched the burial of her husband from her car as she was not allowed near.  The queen of England, 95 years old, watched as she sat by herself and her husband of 73 years was buried.  Not seeing friends at school daily is hard on social children now.  Or perhaps you missed the grand finale of a program because an important phone call came through just at the climax of the show.  It is so frustrating to miss an event and somehow no amount of explanation makes up for not being there. 

         Thomas, one of the twelve disciples, was not present that Easter night in the room when Jesus suddenly appeared amongst his followers.I’m sure they told him about it.  Perhaps like all the variety of other stories floating around, these reports each had its own version.  Thomas famously refused to believe anyone until he saw for himself, touched for himself, the wounds of Jesus and knew for himself that Jesus was risen and alive. Amazingly, a week after Easter the followers were gathered again and   Jesus appeared again and invited Thomas to touch and see and believe.

         Perhaps our present generation raised on YouTube and instant replays cannot appreciate the feelings of doubt and the questions that swirl in the mind when truth can only be experience by listening to someone’s tale.  Thomas may have believed the saying, “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.”  He was not going to let his heart get hurt by believing without experiencing.  Once Thomas experienced Jesus, though, he became committed.

         Today maybe you feel the cynicism of being tricked and believing only to be deeply disappointed.  The youthful promises of love grew cold.  Cancer returned.  Your spouse died first and it was never to be that way as you thought of the future.  A child you deeply love has wandered into a lifestyle that has drawn him away from family.  So many things disappoint us that we can understand Thomas’ hesitancy to believe other’s chatter.

         More important than our disbelief and hurt is God’s persistence to reach out to us in our pain.  Someone comes over who understands and is not scared by our grump.  Music seeps into our hearts to calm our souls.  A verse flashes through our memory.  Jesus suddenly appears and says, Peace, touch, feel, do not doubt but believe.  Jesus does not give up on us when we are discouraged.  That is wonderful.  That is an encouraging reminder for today.  When you feel the grump rising, remember Jesus loves you and is right there. The story is not over! 

Divine versus delusion, that is a dilemma that befuddles many of us.  We are not alone in our pondering of experiences.  The followers of Jesus are gathered Easter evening behind closed doors, sharing stories of encounters with the risen Christ, when suddenly “Jesus himself stood among them. (Luke 24:36)” Were they seeing a ghost? Were they hallucinating? What was going on?  The followers were startled and terrified.  Jesus asks, “Why are you troubled and why do doubts rise in your minds?  Look at my hands and feet. It is I myself. Touch me and see.”  It appears the mind is confused by what the body is experiencing and Jesus immediately links mind and body senses together inviting sight to unite with touch.  Ghosts have no bones so the test at the time on whether something is natural or supernatural was touch.

         Of course today we usually cannot “touch” Jesus with our hands and yet we have spiritual experiences that we need to test and make sure are real.  Several guidelines can be offered. 

         Supernatural encounters will not lead us to contradict the written Word of God that can be touched.  Voices encouraging hate, harm or evil do not originate from God.  James 3:17 further encourages, “the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure, then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”  Human wisdom that comes from bitter envy or selfish ambition is often accompanied by disorder and “every evil practice.”  A rule of thumb I use is that if something is true, it will be consistent advice throughout scripture and from several friends.  Learning to be led by the Spirit requires spiritual growth.  Speaking to an older, wiser person sometimes helps clarify our thinking.  Seldom is the urgent necessary but if the thought is persistent, reinforced by advisors and consistent with scripture, and you are at peace, then a spiritual adventure may be unfolding. 

         Jesus does stand among us and does speak to our human senses today.  I joke that I wish God would send me a fax but I know that he has given me his Word, my friends and a multitude of other avenues through which I experience his love and wishes today.  Often I want my answers right now, now, now and like making a beautiful cake, God is organizing ingredients, mixing, baking and creating an experience I may not even be able to imagine.  The followers could not believe their eyes and with them, we often pray, “Open my eyes Lord that I might see”.  Please enjoy this song for a moment.  ihttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6Kxsr6Xcrc