1 Corinthians 7:1-6 (The Message)
Now, getting down to the questions you asked in your letter to me. First, Is it a good thing to have sexual relations?
2-6 Certainly—but only within a certain context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them.
Paul now turns to answering questions that have been sent to him. Top of the list is marriage. Our culture that has been so impacted by Hollywood and with stories from Disney about Prince Charming and the Beautiful Princess set very high standards for our Wesern minds. I once was in a conversation with my Sikh friends who had entered an arranged marriage. She said to me, “You Westerners put a hot pot of soup on a cold fire and it cools off. We put a pot of cold soup on a hot fire and it warms up.” My daughter had a Muslim roommate in high school. When chatting about dating and going to college, her friend very warmly said to us, “My father loves me and will arrange a marriage that will be good for me. I do not have to worry. I am free to focus on my studies.” Neither of these comments is the Western approach to marriage.
Paul clearly affirms marriage in these verses. Monogamy nor polygamy is not the point of his advise. He condemns abuse or controlling attitudes. He does not present marriage as a breeding place for children but points to mutual satisfaction and respect between partners as they seek to understand each others sexual drives. The advice one of my students who had never been to school was to not play “Kona Kona.” She was saying not to play “corner, corner.” Don’t stand in a corner blaming your spouse for plans that went sideways. Don’t take disagreements in the living room into the bedroom to be settled. These seemed to me to be good advice. Perhaps it is good advice for all relationships.
May we strive for our relationships to be focused on the mutual good of everyone involved. My our relationships be based on respect for the image of God in the other. May we seek not to play “corner-corner”, scape-goating someone for faults that are not theirs. Lord help us to honor you in our relationships.
On the Way to Wonder 