8-9 I do, though, tell the unmarried and widows that singleness might well be the best thing for them, as it has been for me. But if they can’t manage their desires and emotions, they should by all means go ahead and get married. The difficulties of marriage are preferable by far to a sexually tortured life as a single. (1 Corinthians 7: 8, The Message)
Living in a world that understands marriage to be the norm for men and women is a challenge. My girlfriend and I had trouble renting an apartment in Los Angeles when I was a young adult because it was assumed I was wanting to live in immorality. The tribe we worked with believed that men must have sex every month or they would develop mental illness and women needed sex every 40 days. Woman was created to have her husband’s children. When asked how many children a man has, he would give a number that represented his children plus one for his wife. I was taken to a home once and introduced to a group of women. I was asked my name, how many children I had, and the third question was if family planning was a sin. The woman had almost bled to death on her ninth delivery and knew that if she refused to sleep with her husband, he would seek another wife and she would no longer be supported. Likewise a common discussion was the question of satisfying husbands who were bringing AIDS home from working in the capital. The comment, “I now know what being faithful unto death means.”
It seems to me that Paul in this brief verse endorses singleness as a legitimate social situation for a woman, no deficiencies need be assigned. Moving from marriage to widowhood, I am facing redefining my life in new ways I have not faced since my young adulthood.
Recently I was flying to see my daughter and rewatched the charming video, “Cool Runnings.” The coach of the first Jamaica bobsled team had cheated to win the Olympics and lost his medal. Now later, the young driver asks his coach, “Why?” Why cheat. He thinks and answers. “I was not enough, I had to win.” The young man asks, “Couch, How will I know if I am enough?” The coach thinks and responds, “If you are not enough without a medal, you will not be enough with it.” I think that applies to our self identity. If we are not enough and fulfilled without a marriage title, we will not be enough with a Mr or Mrs attached to our name.
So let us reflect. Are you “enough” as you are and are your friends “enough” as they are or are you always finding fault with yourself and others? Christ died for us when we were yet sinners (1 John 4:10) , with all our faults. We love because he loved us first (we 1John 4:19). What a gift. Thank you Lord.
On the Way to Wonder 