Sr. Wantabee was at the hospital again today visiting and found another person with her name! Her tale quickly unfolded that this was the fourth operation this year, one on her back and three on her ankle. Her father had died in the time also after a marriage of 65 years and her husband, actually her second one, has two forms of stage four cancer and is expected to pass within three or four months after her return home. Tragedy upon tragedy this last year. Now there would be no more anniversaries, no more birthday parties, no more celebrations for those loved ones that demand the family gather. How would she be able to handle the loneliness with just her two dogs? Yes she had survived divorce but her kids were young and kept her moving. Now they were grown and out of the house, but did visit and her mother also was a faithful listener but that was not comfort in the grief and anticipated loss. Grief overload!! Sr. Wantabee reflected that it is small comfort to know one has survived a similar event before. Knowing the other will be out of pain is a comfort of sorts. But still the question of how life will again become meaningful and warm hangs in the air and the need for a hug remains. As she prayed her mind returned to the cross and the cry of anguish of a God facing death and separation. Christ did not cry out for joy at the reward set before him and deny the agony he was going through. He too cried out in anguish in the face of death, it’s grief, and potential separation. Our God understands and does not pretend it is easy.
Comfort
May 27, 2010
Leave a Comment » | 
Flakey People in My Life You Should Meet | Tagged: My God, why hast thou forsaken me! | 
Permalink
Posted by srwantabee
Baraka
May 25, 2010Sr. Wantabee was at the hospital today and had the opportunity to say farewell to her namesake who had been there for 14 days. One operation led to another but she had recovered and was waiting to be released – mostly healed. She shared that more family was coming tomorrow. Oh, to rejoice that Mom is alive, quipped Sr. Wantabee.
No, on the 30th we will celebrate the birthday of my daughter who died five years ago. The patient had been told after her first child, she would never be able to have children again so she had taken no precautions. 18 years later her husband commented that she was eating enough for two. She better get checked out. Indeed, she was three months pregnant. The daughter was born and named Baraka, the blessing. At age eight the girl informed her mother she knew she would never live to see age 21. At 19 she broke up with her boyfriend and he “accidently” shot her through the head. The mother reflected on her grief and on her own inability to listen to her daughter or see what a blessing she had been to others – they shared at the funeral. An aunt reflected that the girl had been the factor that kept the family together as in their later years they gathered to rejoice in her life events. The girl had lived up to her name. She was a blessing and people will travel this weekend to rejoice for her life.
“Baraka,” blessing. We have a president with the same name. May he live up to his name also!
Leave a Comment » | Flakey People in My Life You Should Meet | Tagged: Blessed to be a blessing! | Permalink
Posted by srwantabee
Post Script
May 20, 2010Sr. Wantabee was at the hospital today. A patient was about to enter a gruelling ten hour surgery to have his whole back realigned – or it sounded that way to her. The surgery was to be in 45 minutes so she thought she’d drop by and offer a prayer.
Much of the family was gathered, spouse, daughter, parents, sister-in-law, and the patient was teary. The spouse offered to read Psalm 23. Sr. Wantabee immediately flashed on finishing her last talk with the old folks with Psalm 23. In a brief two minute recap of her talk at the Homes she shared of how she had been blessed to realize that Sunday, Pentecost, is not so much about speaking in tongues or about a correct understanding of the Trinity but about the fulfillment of a promise by a faithful God who is always with us, even when we go through surgery. He doesn’t wait at the door or watch from the sky but is there with the patient and guiding the surgeon’s hands.
We prayed and she left a patient smiling, speaking more confidently, and with a verse to focus on during the surgery.
Sr. Wantabee wondered as she left at how she had been blessed preparing the talk, blessed delivering the talk, and tripply blessed today being able to comfort a person headed to surgery. WOW!
Leave a Comment » | Flakey People in My Life You Should Meet | Tagged: Ye though I walk through the valley... | Permalink
Posted by srwantabee
The Mirror
May 18, 2010Sr. Wantabee met with her faithful leader at the hospital today and reflected on one of the patients she had seen recently. He was 69, “one of us,” an army vet, though had only been in for three years helping to build the Berlin Wall. He came home to start his own company, married, had two children, ended the marriage of twenty one years, twenty five years ago, but not remarried as that “was against the rules of his church.” Instead he had turned to alchohol and now struggled with balance problems and had been found at home all confused, sitting in a mess. They got him to the hospital for observation and he was pulling himself together. Chatting with Sr. Wantabee, an agemate, was fun for us both. He was enjoying advising the nurses about their dating life and the intricacies of the male mind but greatly missing his beloved cat of 18 years who curled up on his chest and loved him and his beloved dog of 12 years. He was “OK!!!” and did not need to be committed for observation. The problem was only he was of that opinion.
Sr. Wantabee left the room deeply touched. The struggle for self dignity in the face of aging and a failing body and a failing social life was so real. At the same time she felt the love of the family for a father who was confused and by whom they wanted to do right and protect. Likewise the nurses who saw the irregularities of gail, the failing body, were trying to do their best to help the patient.
He did not talk of the alchohol or of being found incontinent. He shared of his struggle for dignity, the love for his animals, and the conviction that he was not ready for assisted living. Sr. Wantabee remembered a similar struggle with aging parents and her own drive to maintain dignity as long as possible.
She left in tears. He was a mirror to the struggles of life that plague us all.
Leave a Comment » | Flakey People in My Life You Should Meet | Tagged: He helped build the Berlin Wall! | Permalink
Posted by srwantabee
Two Rights Can’t Make a Wrong
May 11, 2010Sr. Wantabee dragged herself through the rain and 45 degree weather to swim this morning. She chatted with the lady a couple lockers down — about the weather, of course, in MN! The other lady parked her shoes, reached for her locker and commented. “We do need rain!” That always seems like such a funny statement to Sr. Wantabee who spent years on the desertifying edges of N. Kenya, that DO need rain, whereas the green grass and lush trees here in Minnesota are not such worthy recipients to her untrained eyes. Sr. Wantabee countered, “And I do need exercise!” She thought and quipped, “Two rights can’t make a wrong,” modifying the old adage, two wrongs don’t make a right. The earth needs water and she needs exercise so all is ok in the universe as she started to do her laps.
Two positives make a positive in math, thought she. But do two positives necessitate a positive in social life. Her mind wandered through her years. As a 3rd grader living in Iowa, the rains had brought flooding and the neighbor who lived behind her had a flooded basement and they were rescuing their goods and taking them upstairs. Sr. Wantabee parked her first grade sister on the steps and told her not to move. She was too young and too short. Right. Sr. Wantabee herself spent the morning helping the neighbors rescue their goods in what seemed like a nice swimming pool. A good deed. Right? She arrived home with her sister in tow and discovered to her dismay that it was 2 pm and she had missed lunch, terribly upsetting her mother. “Wait until your father gets home!” Two rights produced a wrong.
She thought of her missionary dating in her early 20s. Certainly the wonderfulness of herself would result in a fun date and a person influenced for Christ. Two rights. Wrong. The dates were ackward and no lasting friendships developed.
People should be free to pick their government. That’s democracy. Right? Fair elections. Right. The corrupt politician with more money wins and people are killed as in the elections in Kenya. Two rights produced a wrong – bloodshed.
Perhaps two positives make a positive in math but in life, it is much trickier and much less predictable. Perhaps in the greater scheme of things it will work out but Sr. Wantabee was not so sure. She continued swimming, humbled.
Leave a Comment » | Flakey People in My Life You Should Meet | Permalink
Posted by srwantabee
Windshield or Rearview Mirror
April 28, 2010Sr. Wantabee was at the retirement center today and had long chats with two 88 year old residents. They had been doing life review and wondering why they were were alive. What’s the point? Their family had died. Their friends had died. Their minds were healthy but their bodies were weak and they were of no use to anyone. Why live? But death is not so easy an option either.
Sr. Wantabee thought of the audio book she had listened to over the past five days. It was the story of the Guardian by Nicolas Sparks. A young, age 29, widow returns to the world of dating only to be torn between the the handsome debonair man who turns out to be a stalker and the homegrown mechanic with whom she is so comfortable and enjoys life. At one point in the story she is driving down the road reflecting on the people in her life and remembers how she had decided that people were of two sorts. There are the “windshield” people and there are the “rear view mirror” people. The windshield people look ahead to see what’s coming and are excited about it while the rear view mirror people look back to see what’s behind and what’s chasing them. Sr. Wantabee heard this and laughed. She remembered teaching her second son to drive in Chicago. At one point, in his excitement of driving, he verbally reflects, “I don’t know if I’m trying to stay ahead of the guys behind me or catch up with the guys ahead of me, Mom!” How very true. Are we looking ahead or are we afraid of what is catching up with us from behind? Is the knowledge that we are a valuable child of God and that He is strong enough and capable enough to lead and guide our lives and speak to us if we are going the wrong direction enough motivation to keep us going when our friends have left the road and we are feeling alone and forgotten by society? What keeps us focused on the windshield?
Sr. Wantabee thought of her prayer that she has been working on this month from the book of Romans 15:13, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Leave a Comment » | Flakey People in My Life You Should Meet | Tagged: What's the point? | Permalink
Posted by srwantabee
Yesterday vs. Yesteryear
April 6, 2010Sr. Wantabee has been fighting a battle. For Easter she piled her family in her car and drove several states away to meet at her eldest son’s home with his family and the second son’s family who had driven an equal distant from a different directions. All united. Other siblings reported in on computer cameras and so the “clan” spanned the world and spanned three generations. Absolutely amazing.
Returning home, Sr. Wantabee raced along the highway but her mind raced back to yesteryear when she would pile five kids, born within six years of each other, into a landrover and head across the desert to grandmother’s house. No gas stations. No rest stops. No play yards. But also no seat belts. Babies nursed while the car jiggled along corrigated roads and paths. Who will see the next giraffe was a game. We sang and sang and sang over the clatter. Half way to destination we would pull out cots and cook over a fire, or bunk down on wall-to-wall mattresses on the floor in a friends house, or sleep three to a bed in a little hotel with a communal shower. On the other end were no lego blocks or toys, just grandma and her big garden, open spaces, and fireplace. In Africa traveling was part of her way of life. She missed it. Yesteryear.
Monday morning she reported to the Homes and her little old people, just as unique as always. As it was about lunch time, she noticed a new face. “I don’t know you,” said she. “I don’t know you,” said the woman with beautiful white curly hair. “I’m Sister Wantabee, chaplain on this floor,” she replied. “I’m Sussie and I don’t want to talk to you!” replied the lady rather bluntly and to the delight of the other residents snickering. The awkwardness was diluted by a woman who needed Sr. Wantabee’s chair to sit and so Sr. Wantabee shifted to the other side of the table and engaged in general gab. Where are you from? You married into Minnesota? How long? General chat. Suddenly the lady who did not want to talk said equally directly, “Being a widow is no fun!” All the little white heads bobbed up and down. Sister Wantabee knew this lady understood the war between yesteryear and yesterday that sometimes brings tears to today.
Leave a Comment » | Flakey People in My Life You Should Meet | Tagged: Yesterday when I was young.... | Permalink
Posted by srwantabee
High People in High Places
March 27, 2010Sr. Wantabee teaches ESL (English as a Second Language) three evenings a week to keep up her teaching skills and to experience “the United Nations.” Often in a class of 15 students there will not be a common language for the students to chat in or translate for each other. We cover the globe with equal representation from Asia, Africa, Europe, Central/South America and smattering from the Middle East. She often shares with them that a wise man from Africa who visited the States to study, told her, “All Americans are policemen! They ask ‘Who are you,’ Where did you come from,” “Why are you here,” “Where do you live,” and “What are you doing?” So she often works with those types of questions.
Thursday Sr. Wantabee had the privilege to meet with a high person in a high place, the top floor overlooking the city. He walked into the lobby and introduced himself, “Hi, I’m First Name.” Sr. Wantabee reflected that she was indeed in the USA where important people who look out their windows and watching people walking the streets like bugs, introduce themselves by their first name. She responded in kind as they entered his office with a wall of windows over-looking the downtown.
“How are you?” asked he. Having just come from the hospital where she visited patients, the question did not register quite right. What was being asked for? She responded, a bit nervous being with such high people in such high places.
“What do you want from this meeting?” Hmmm, reflected she, this is an important person who does not have time for African introductory chit chat. A very direct American, as she tells her students. She responded equally directly, I need a job assignment so I can go from being Sr. Wantabee to Sr. Gunnabee to Sr. On-the-job. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | Flakey People in My Life You Should Meet | Tagged: What, What When, When, Where, Who, Why and How, Why and sometimes How? | Permalink
Posted by srwantabee
Let the Healing Begin
March 25, 2010Yesterday Sr. Wantabee was at the nursing home and a “healing service” was held. The text was something about Jesus healing a man somewhere in his ministry. Sr. Wantabee could not help but ponder the man in the wheelchair in the back row, in front of her. The man was from Sr. Wantabee’s floor. One side of his body was crippled with a stroke, the final insult from a god who made him with a deformed mouth that needed multiple operations before age 5 just so he could eat, and this god had given him parents who pawned him off to foster homes to raise him. His life was a series of mishaps and worse misunderstandings, filled with rage and rejection. The last time Sr. Wantabee chatted with the man, he had released a long series of vulgar, explicative adjectives to let her know what he thought of this god who had abused and ruined his life so. Sr. Wantabee wondered how he was receiving all this talk. The preacher finished and two ancient guardians of the church sat in the front for the mobile in the audience to approach and be prayed for. Meanwhile two other pastors started at the front of the congregation and gradually were working their way back through the audience of mostly wheel chairs. Do these Lake Woebegone Lutherans truly think there are going to be healings? Back in the day of the hippies, an altar call was given and people who wanted a healing came forward. Can you just go up and down the isles praying and anointing with oil?
Sr. Wantabee bowed her head and tried to calm her doubting heart. The least she could do is pray for this man in the wheel chair, trapped in this service. Deep in prayer, she was startled when her neighbor nudged her to indicate that the leader was calling her forward. Would she feel comfortable helping? Take a bowl of anointing oil and start in the back row with the man in the wheel chair! Sr. Wantabee gulped. Did she believe God could heal? She took the bowl and moved toward the man who swore so prolifically at her God. Read the rest of this entry »
Leave a Comment » | Flakey People in My Life You Should Meet | Tagged: Ask and it shall be given | Permalink
Posted by srwantabee
An Unsung “She-roe”
March 23, 2010Sr. Wantabee was at the hospital this morning. “Please visit…., she had a terrible post stress incident last night, locked within herself for half an hour! It was pretty scary.” The patient, an athlete, had suffered a terrible sports accident 11 years previously, leaving her lying on the ground, trying to rise. Her father had told her that if she stayed down, it better be good or she better get up but as she tried to rise she could see the faces, as if it were yesterday, yelling at her to be still. When they rolled her over, the pain was so intense she vomitted all over infront of everyone. In the ambulance as she was in shock she could hear them radioing about a possible amputation and then about their doubts as to whether she would make it at all. She did make it and there was no amputation but now, 70 operations later, it was still questionable whether the injured area would ever stabilize and be usable. Unthinking friends try to encourage her by wishing they got to live off their mothers and have leisure time. Sourly she shared, what woman wants to be living off her mother as an adult and sitting around in hospitals? What eternal lesson had she not learned to deserve this? Of what value was she?
She did share that as she gradually recovered some women came to her and asked her to coach them in her sport. She had derived great pleasure from this while trying to hide how much she wished she could participate. Her team had even moved up a division. Her new friends flew with her to doctor appointments and drove her places. There was a slight hope that she would recover enough to return to work eventually.
Sr. Wantabee shared her insight from the Sunday reading when she had felt convicted for not doing enough good deeds. Christ had said to Judas who criticized Mary for spreading perfume on his feet, “Leave her alone.” Life is unfair and somehow we never do enough good but Christ says, “leave her alone” oh doubter, she is the person I died for and have a future eternity for. Life is unfair but she has faith, friends and family. Her daily battles with discouragment, dispair and pain may never be noticed by others but God knows. She is an unsung sheroe in my book and His.
Leave a Comment » | Flakey People in My Life You Should Meet | Permalink
Posted by srwantabee
On the Way to Wonder 