On the Way to Wonder

(Quote by Angus Starling from The Ghost and the Darkness)

“’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.” Verse 2

John Newton in verse 2 touches on the struggle within us between good and evil.  No matter how hard we try, we often make poor choices and do not live the way we want.  That snarky comment slips out.  We drive past the beggar at the freeway exit and feel guilty.  We shade the truth so we appear more like the hero. 

         Some branches of Christianity believe it is possible to overcome sin and grow into being our better selves.  These people are called “holiness” because the belief is we can become more and more holy – more like Christ daily by the decisions we make.  Luther would be more of the opinion that the struggles describe us but do not change us into being better people.  We will always be simultaneously “saint” and “sinner”.  The credit for when we are able to live as our better selves goes to God and the shame when we make poor decisions must be owned by us.

      The Resurrection assures us that we will eventually be “Saints” living as our better selves, as we were created to be, in eternity.  Easter gives hope, not that somehow we must change but there is victory because Jesus is risen and active in our lives now!

Paul describes the battle this way in Romans 7: 24-25

^“24 Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, with my mind I am a slave to the law of God, but with my flesh I am a slave to the law of sin.” Romans 7:24-25

As we set aside a couple minutes to ground our minds in “the law of God” let us ask him for the grace to live as our better selves and make wise decisions today.

“I’m OK – You’re OK is a 1967 self-help book by psychiatrist Thomas Anthony Harris. It is a practical guide to transactional analysis as a method for solving problems in life. The book made the New York Times Best Seller list in 1972 and remained there for almost two years.” (Internet quote)  I was graduating from UCSB in 1968 in social psychology and this book was providing language for us young adults to move beyond Freud’s “superego, ego, and id” language to describe our journey to adulthood and differentiation from parents.  Harris couched growth in the language of “parent, adult, and child.”  Of course, we all wanted to be considered adults.  Caught between the “oughts” and the “wants”, I had to learn to navigate and own my life choices.  Whew.  That is a journey we live out each day.

         John Newton sings in his hymn Amazing Grace his journey to wholeness.  In verse 2 he talks about the decision point where in crisis between wants and the shoulds of being an adult – being able to navigate a slave ship in the midst of a violent sea storm – he calls out to God.  Newton found wholeness when he factored in God.

“’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.” Verse 2

The apostle Paul writes it this way,

^“10 But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace towards me has not been in vain. On the contrary, I worked harder than any of them—though it was not I, but the grace of God that is with me.”  1 Corinthians 15:10

When we factor in God, our focus goes from parents or superego, from authorities demanding certain behavior and away from our desires that want to a God who created us as he knows is best.  We see his grace in our lives and his acceptance of ourselves just as we are able to bring him joy.  I am not ok because of what I do,  Easter tells me I am worth incarnation, crucifixion, and resurrection for a God who values me just as I am and walks with me alive today.  He is risen and I am valuable.  And you are ok in God’s sight too.  I’m ok and you’re ok. Wow.

“’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.”

Newton describes grace as “precious.”  The Internet dictionary describes precious as meaning,  “(of an object, substance, or resource) of great value; not to be wasted or treated carelessly.”  But our generation might think of Gollum’s quest to regain the ring of power in Lord of the Rings.  He called the ring his “Precious.”  Then again, the famous rock-n-roll singer Elvis Presley sang “Take My Hand, Precious Lord,” (tps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d58bZ4kSPDs).

         “Precious” can describe something that is a feeling about something near and dear to us but that feeling can be possessive as with Gollum and self absorbing or it can be outward focused to God as with Elvis Presley and John Newton.  Ephesians 2:8 shares

⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God— ⁹ not the result of works, so that no one may boast.

Realization of grace involves humility, not boasting, and leads to an understanding of our undeservedness and hence the preciousness of God’s gifts.  Perhaps “precious” is not the word you would use to describe the grace, the undeserved blessings, in your life because you know “the Lord is risen” and alive in your life. But what word would you use?  Name one of those blessings and choose the adjective you would use to describe that blessing.  Say a prayer of thanksgiving!  God is gracious and that is precious.

“Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,

And grace my fears relieved;”

verse 2 of Amazing Grace

John Newton was facing sure death.  As captain of a slave ship, torn apart by a storm at sea, he strapped himself to the helm to navigate but was facing death.  That was John Newton.  Easter evening the followers of Jesus huddled behind locked doors for fear of the people who had been chanting “crucify him” the day before.  Would they be next?  I was such a fearling as a child that the doctor told my parents to give me a coping skill.  They chose swimming lessons.  I was only about six.  At the final lesson the instructor asked for a volunteer to go to the top of the high dive and jump.  I so wanted my mother to be proud of me.  I got to the top and it was a long way down.  I couldn’t do it.  Some people are afraid of dogs.  Most all of us are afraid of something.  So what fear has the power to paralyze you? A spider?  Speaking infront of a group?  Dark places?  Walking under a ladder?  Oh sigh, the list of potential phobias is very long.

         The apostle Paul speaks into our fears.  The message of Easter is that God took care of the separation between Him and his people.  He is stronger than that which we fear.  He knows, as do we, that we all fall short and cannot stand with our heads high before the God of the universe, our creator.  We do not always live as our better selves.  God chooses to give us salvation even when he knew we were sinners.  He redeemed us or buy us back, as a gift for what happened on the cross.

         “For there is no distinction, ²³ since all have sinned and fall short of   the glory of God; ²⁴ they are now justified by his grace as a gift,       through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,” Romans 3:23-24

         John Newton did not deserve to live.  Life became a gift in the face of death, not because of anything he could do about the raging storm but because of what God did.  Newton still had to die one day years later but he saw God’s hand relieve his fear of death that night.  Grace is realizing the giftedness of life in the face of our fears and failings.  Let’s thank God today for a blessing we have in our life that speaks of his love for us and his creation – a friend, a child, a sunrise, a smile…  thank you Lord for your grace.

“’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.”

         John Newton, author of Amazing Grace, had a rough early life.  He was raised for seven years by a mother who was part of a “nonconformist tradition.”  He was in boarding school for two years following her death and then went to live with his father and step-mother.  By age 11 he went to sea with his father. When his father retired, Newton refused to work in a sugarcane plantation, prefering the sea.  By 18 he was pressed into the Royal Navy and publicly flogged 96 times infront of the whole ship and humiliated.  He later transferred to a ship headed to W. Africa and was enslaved in the Ivory Coast.  He was rescued but it is no surprise he had become a toughened person, a diamond in the rough, very rough.  Most of us would not change our lives for his story.

         Newton opens his second verse thanking God for the hardships that drove him to cry out for mercy from a God he had only heard about.  He received grace.  His ship hopelessly tossed in a storm, was saved.  He sees the mercy that he received as grace but he also sees the hardships and trials that led him to cry out as grace.  Perhaps without the struggles, he would never have sought God.  He challenges us to see our trials as grace as well as the gift of faith.  The epistle of James also challenges us to “count it all joy my brothers whenever you face trials.”

         2 Corinthians 2:8 tells us about Jesus, “⁹ For you know the generous act of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that by his poverty you might become rich.”  I suspect that most of us find it difficult to see hard times as blessings.  My husband has Parkinsons, Dementia and Post Polio and it does challenge my faith.  Newton frames his story by saying “grace” taught him to fear and “grace” relieved those fears.

         Lord, help me to see you in the hard times, drawing me to you.  May I cry out to you and not just cry in self pity.  The cross of Easter tells me that you understand pain and there is life after death.  Help me to remember.  Thank you.

This week we have been meditating on the first verse of this famous hymn written by John Newton.  The hymn testifies to the transformation that took place in Newton’s life.  A former slave ship captain facing death in a sea storm, cried out to God for mercy.  His life was transformed and he joined Wilberforce in fighting slavery in England.  Newton wrote this hymn sharing how he went from “wretched,” “lost,” and “blind” to being “found” and “seeing.”

         Tomorrow our Gospel text will take us from Easter morning and all the “He is risen” rejoicing to followers hiding behind locked doors for fear of what might happen.  May we enjoy this hymn this morning and ponder what the doors that lock us in fear that Jesus can walk through and offer us “peace,” purpose and presence.  Blessings!

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me.

(Opening of hymn Amazing Grace)

         Last Sunday we celebrated Easter and greeted each other, “The Lord is risen!” “The Lord is risen indeed.”  That was Easter morning, an emotional high.  This Sunday we will find the followers of Jesus huddled behind locked doors in fear.  That was Easter evening, an emotional low.  We don’t brag about the days when we just feel wretched.  Morning sickness in pregnancy when we “wretch” or barf might be acceptable chat but on the overall we don’t talk a lot about the times when we are overwhelmed by life and our own inabilities to do life right.  We cry in our closets.  John Newton opens his beloved hymn with the confession that it was during one of those wretched times that God appeared with grace.  We sing the song at funerals and other times when we feel wretched.

         King David in the Old Testament wrote one of his very famous psalms, Psalm 51, at a time when he felt wretched.

“Have mercy on me, O God,
 according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
 blot out my transgressions.
² Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
    and cleanse me from my sin.

³ For I know my transgressions,
    and my sin is ever before me.
⁴ Against you, you alone, have I sinned,
    and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are justified in your sentence
    and blameless when you pass judgement.
⁵ Indeed, I was born guilty,
    a sinner when my mother conceived me.”

Psalm 51:1-5

         David, at a low moment in his life, slept with Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah the Hittite, one of his faithful soldiers.  She became pregnant.  David tried to cover up his indiscretion and actually had Uriah killed.  His prophet, a faithful friend who spoke truth to power, confronts David, the King. 2 Samuel 11.  David is wretched with guilt and the realization of his bad choices and his inability to live into his better self without God’s help.  He cries out in his wretchedness. David must live with the consequences of his actions but God forgives him.  Amazing grace.  Our sinfulness, our inabilities need not separate us forever from God.

         Perhaps today you are feeling wretch or hopefully you know the peace of bringing that wretchedness to God.  Either way, let us thank God that when we are wretched, we can turn to him.  Easter means the Lord is risen and wants relationship with us.

The first verse of the popular hymn that brings comfort to so many goes like this

         “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,

         That saved a wretch like me,

         I once was lost but now am found,

         Was blind but now I see.”

I have never been blind but I did have my second cataract surgery last week.  Suddenly my visual world went from yellow and foggy to bright and white.  Suddenly I could read four more lines on the sight chart, road signs and the sub-scripts on the TV.  Sin is somehow like blindness.  Life is distorted and out of focus because we are not seeing issues clearly.  Amazing grace us like being able to see when you have been blind. 

         In John 9 Jesus heals a man born blind on the Sabbath.  Jesus spits in the dust and makes mud because the man has no eyes and sends him to wash.  The religious leaders debate if the seeing man is really the former blind man and since making eyes was considered work, they believed Jesus had broken the Sabbath law.  The healed man is questioned.  His parents are questioned.  Social pressure is to identify Jesus as breaking the Sabbath but since the man was blind, he had not seen Jesus and because he was blind, he was uneducated about religious law.  The healed man says, “I do not know whether he is a sinner. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see. (John 8:25)” John Newton centuries later equates the gift of grace he received, tied to the helm of a slave ship trying to navigate a storm, hopelessly lost, to the change of going from blindness to sight. ”I was blind but now I see.”  This is a physical way to explain the change that occurred when God reached into his life with amazing grace and saved him.

         We have all had those times when we have been blind. We don’t really understand circumstances surrounding events and we jump to false conclusions.  “Trust me!” are words that are surrounded by cynicism because of the betrayal of others that hurt us in the past.  Trusting that a God we cannot see clearly to help us walk through a life that can be so threatening, is hard.  We call it a “leap of faith.”  Singers say, “Put your hand in the hand of the man who calmed the waters.”  As we do, we receive amazing grace, forgiveness and sight.

     The Easter resurrection opens our eyes to a God who walks through death and who is working in our world in ways we cannot see.  We can become recipients of “amazing grace” and see.  Thank you Lord.

“Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,

 that saved a wretch like me

I once was lost but now am found

Was blind but now I see.”

Verse 1

         Yesterday we pondered the first words of that famous hymn, “Amazing Grace” written by John Newton.  Grace is receiving that which we know we do not deserve.  Newton knew he was lost and about to die as he tied himself to the helm of his slave ship to navigate after 11 days in a storm at sea.  He knew he had made bad choices and was not living as his better self as he cried out to God.  Many testimonials have a flavor of the dramatic like this.

         We looked at the famous parable, the Prodigal Son, Jesus told of two brothers.  The younger demands his inheritance and leaves only to squander it making bad choices.  He “comes to himself” and realizes he would be better off being a slave in his father’s house and returns home to be met by a loving father who greets him with open arms, a forgiving heart and a wonderful feast.  Undeserved grace heals rebellion.  Amazing.  But the story does not end there. 

         The father leaves the party and meets the older brother who is grumbling outside.  He is the one who has not squandered his inheritance but who has worked hard and faithfully to prove he deserves rewards.  He is not rebellious but is resentful and bitter about his brother.  The older brother is MIA, missing in action, or we might say, missing in actions to prove he is good enough for the father’s grace.  He too is missing the point.  The father responds, “³² But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.”’

         It is easy to point fingers at the wayward person who seems to be making all the wrong choices like John Newton or the younger brother but many of us may be like the older brother.  Others may not see our shortcomings but we know they are there in our life.  Our relationship with the Father is just as problematic as the overtly rebellious.  Lent brings us to the point of facing our human failings, our need for a savior.  Easter offers us amazing grace with a God who conquers death and forgives our wrongs.  Jesus lives and wants to help us become our better selves, not to earn grace, but out of a loving relationship and the free gift of grace.

         Yesterday we opened our hands, palms up, as we prayed for the world.  Today let us open our hands, palms up, as we pray for the sins of our hearts that impact our lives and our world – greed, prejudice, jealousy, deceit, and pride.  The father reaches out to the younger brother and to the older brother.  The father reaches out to John Newton and to us today.  Jesus is risen and wanting to walk with you and me.  Amazing grace.

“How many of my father’s hired hands have bread enough and to spare, but here I am dying of hunger! ¹⁸ I will get up and go to my father, and I will say to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me like one of your hired hands.’” Luke 15:17-19

         Where does the story that inspired Amazing Grace start?  For the Apostle Peter, it started when Jesus called him to follow.  John Newton confessed his helplessness as he was facing death on the seas and had depleted his energy.  He tied himself to the helm, and tried to navigate.  In that experience he came to the end of self and cried out to a God he was not sure would receive him.  The Apostle Peter also had a major paradigm shift, a worldview transformation as he got to know Jesus.  He and his men had fished all night and caught nothing but Jesus told them to cast their net to the other side of the boat.  When they did, they were overwhelmed with a huge catch of fish.  Peter fell on his knees and said, “Depart from me for I am a sinful man.” Grace is the realization that we cannot do or be and we do not deserve.  Grace is an undeserved gift. 

         Jesus tells the story of a prodigal son.  The boy demanded his inheritance and went off and squandered it, spiraling into poverty.  The Bible describes his experience of grace as starting when “he came to himself.”  The prodigal realized he did not deserve anything more than to be a slave in his father’s home.  Newton came to himself in the storm and knew he deserved nothing. Peter came to himself when he realized he failed as a fisherman and what was happening had to be of God. The prodigal came to himself in his poverty.  I just saw the movie, “Jesus Revolution”, Greg Laurie comes to faith as he is being baptized at Newport Beach, CA.  Many may not have as dramatic a conversion story but grace starts at that moment we realize we are undeserving.  We deserve nothing and cannot be good enough.  Grace is “amazing” because we receive that which we do not deserve, eternal life in the kingdom of heaven where there is true justice, love, hope and a future with the God of our creation.

         I remember memorizing Ephesians 2:8-9, “by grace we are saved through faith, and that not of ourselves.  It is a gift of God and not of works least any person should boast.”  Let us take a moment to honestly admit our need for grace.  In Kenya, when given a gift, you “receive it with both hands.”  Perhaps pray with your hands open, palms up, to receive his grace, his gift to you this Easter season.