39 years ago today, I gave birth to my eldest daughter. Three days later we fought for her life as she developed hemorrhagic disease of the newborn. We were in a mission hospital, outside Nairobi, and I stood watching her bleed from every orifice of her little body. They had never transfused a newborn and her veins had collapsed for an infusion. It took four hours of phone attempts to get through to Nairobi to find that she had to be matched to me, a different blood type as she carried my antibodies. The doctor’s wife stood by with O- blood for the transfusion. So many hopes and dreams and love as I stood helpless. Today she is a beautiful young woman, talented, loved, and admired. This memory has a happy ending but not all my stories have.

The quote on my calendar for today is, “Though you may ask God to do something for you, He generally wants to do something in you. (Unknown author) Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Ps. 139:23, 24” Again I am reminded that God is working to mold a future I do not control and that draws trust and love in the face of uncertainty and seeming impossible scenarios. I do not know how Covid-19 will claim lives, who will be moved to donate their resources to help, what the outside the box wisdom will come in. I stand at the window watching and praying. I do know, though, that God walks with us creating a future plan for our good, “leading me in the way everlasting.”

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